By Halina Brown
The U.S. must be the most competitive society on earth. It certainly moves the economy forward but we pay high price for it in in a diminished well-being.
It starts at birth and never lets out. Well-to-do educated parents especially, compete through their children: on what daycare center or kindergarten their children attend, how many cool-sounding afterschool programs they participate in (learning Mandarin and gourmet cooking before they can even read are some of those), and of course, what college they attend.
Sometime it reaches absurd proportions. During soccer games organized by parents (spontaneous neighborhood ball games are extinct species) adults scream from the sidelines, occasionally getting even into physical fights. There have been attempts to deemphasize competition in these games, but that spirits lives on. Last year, during a soccer game I watched a young mother (a relative of mine) get seriously concerned when her four year old son was observing interesting cloud formations in the sky instead of exhibiting a killer instinct. I read not so long ago about a children book club where the readers competed on how many books they read each month. I wonder if these kids ever reflected on what they had just read.
I also recall a conviction on insider trading on Wall Street, in which the bribe consisted of a help with someone’s child into a coveted kindergarten. And of course, there is the recent highly publicized scandal of celebrities and other wealthy parents spending hundreds of thousand dollars to get their (I suppose not so bright) children into good colleges. In the insanely competitive process of college admission in the U.S. young athletes are especially valued. A lot of it has to do with competitive spirit: achievements in sports indicate a highly prized very competitive personality.
It is about everything, not just children: how many laps in a swimming pool, how many bedrooms and bathrooms in the house, how large the income. No wonder the billionaires never cease the efforts to accumulate more money; it is not about having more, it is about outcompeting the other guy. No wonder the U.S. leads in wealth inequality; the competitive personalities at the top of the pyramid always push for more. No wonder the frequency of depression and anxiety is rapidly increasing among children, from very young to college age. No wonder the competitive consumption is destroying the planet.
Do we gain much from all this competition? We surely do; the aggregate economic growth in the U.S. is strong in comparison with other OECD countries (I am not addressing the huge inequalities within that growth). But we also lose a lot. Apart from the psychological toll, the growing wealth inequality, and the climate impacts of competitive consumption, the joy of life is compromised. I was recently listening on the radio to an interview with an international champion of ping-pong, who was comparing the cultures of this game in Japan and the U.S. This is what he said (I paraphrase from memory): “When I play in the US I have only two options: win or lose; and both are a losing proposition for my well-being. If I win, I know that my opponent will try to take revenge on me tomorrow, and that gives me anxiety. When I lose, I anxiously toss and turn all night, trying to figure out what I did wrong and how I let my fans down. On the other hand, in a Japanese ping-pong club winning is a secondary goal. The primary goal is the overall experience for everybody. It matters a great deal that the atmosphere in the club is nice, that both players as well as the fans enjoy themselves, that people are kind to each other. Regardless of the outcome I walk away from the game feeling good.”
I am convinced that our lives would be so much more enjoyable will less competition.